THE MACHISTA CULTURE

I have a terrible truth to admit.

I am cheating.

I am cheating on my wonderful partner with … castellano.  Chilean castellano.

I am surrounded every day by a language so beautiful it seeps into my skin, it tangles in my brain like fire, its romantic, sexual, musical … its also too fast, too slurred, too complicated and it makes me want.to.bang.my.head.on.the.wall.  For those of you new to Chile, maybe you have encountered this for yourself and are joining me in banging your head against some hard object.  

In addition to a unique accent and a tendency to change verb endings, Chilean Spanish is riddled with enough idioms to fill a book (in actual truth, there are two: see How To Survive In The Chilean Jungle) and each can be used on a variety of different occasions.   As a gringa from a town so small it is mainly visited by wandering cows, Santiago seems a confusing metropolis a world away. I followed a boy here, firmly believing the “no regrets” mantra, and am so thankful that I did as I am very much in love.  But this has opened a pretty big can of worms: how to adapt to life in a foreign country, with a man from a culture so very different to my own?  There are some baffling differences here (for example, WHAT IS UP WITH THE MILK?!) and, in addition to the language, some mighty big cultural differences too (I am guilty of a few gaffes).  My mission is simple: to take all you newbies on a journey of Chilean discovery, from the intricacies of Chilenismos, to insights into the Chilean psyche, culture and identity.  As I am fresh from a heated discussion (argument) with my lovely pololo, perhaps this is where I will begin.    The differences between men and women in Chile, in particular -

Chile and Machisimo Culture

We have all heard the stories stereotyping Latino men – usually involving them saying “the only place for a women is in the kitchen!”  Some lucky few may have even heard the warnings “Latin men only marry Latin women”, “he just wants to get in your pants!”, or my personal favourite, “he’s just after a Visa!”   While guidebooks constantly refer to Chile as a slice of England in Latin America (due to a “cooler” temperament in comparison to their fiery neighbours), Chile is still a latin country and therefore, men are decidedly different to their foreign counterparts. You can always be sure of a few wolfwhistles walking down the street (I am very new to this!) and blatant staring (particularly if you have blonde hair – see next weeks blog!).   I do not want to be guilty of stereotyping, so instead I am going to provide some common characteristics of the Chilean man.

1)     

 The Place In The Family

The other day, I was sitting in the hairdressers (also quite a different experience to what I am used to!) when a father brought in the most GORGEOUS little boy I have ever seen to have his hair cut.  He was about three, and truly the cutest little thing, and the reactions of everyone around was very telling.  Everyone was fussing over him – including passers by who saw him in the window – and this stands out because this attention was not given to the girls. When I have asked Chilena friends about children, they have all wanted sons.  This is not to say girls are less loved, just that the sons have an important place within the family unit.  The first born is always close to his mother – the little leader of the family – and the youngest is traditionally spoilt.  The bond between a mother and son is very strong in Chile, so much that the worst insults you can possible say all involve the mother (don’t ever use them, even in passing, because the reaction will not be good).

2)      What Society Expects

What society expects of men is changing.  My flatmate is of the old-school kind.  He strongly asserts that a woman’s place is at home, to cook, clean, support the husband and have children, while the man works.  This means that if a woman needs something, the man is expected to buy it, and they traditionally work many hours.

In many Latin cultures, the ideal woman is painted as a perfect princess.  She doesn’t argue back, she is there at beck and call, she is always pretty (in a distinctively unslutty way) … and she doesn’t talk about sex.  It is very uncommon for women to speak to male friends about sex – and to socialise with male friends alone in general.  I have found this to be the most difficult thing to get used to.  I have a big mouth and I use it to talk … A LOT.  Chilean men HATE forward women and dirty language – perhaps because they feel they are losing control?

3)      A Typical Chilean Relationship

It is difficult to define a typical Chilean relationship as obviously, all situations are different.  Generally, a couple live together when they marry (though not always) and both are usually open about wanting children.  The men are usually very romantic with a great many flowery words, but like their space.  Knowing the family is very important as well.  Public affection is much more apparent here as well.  Men expect a great deal of support from their partners, though keep a very clear boundary of the man/woman place.  Take away the flowery words, and a Chilean man will often keep his feelings very close to his chest.

However, a friend of mine has lived with her partner for four years and has only just announced their engagement.  I live with my partner as well.  Like anywhere, it depends on the individual, but the most common factor is the very clearly defined “I am man, you are woman” differences in attitude.

4)      The Presence of Luchando

Until a few years ago, it was common to resolve an argument with a fight.  This quick to anger temperament is still very present, and all men will staunchly hold their ground.  I have found that men are very protective of their women and get jealous quickly, and if there is a problem they will not resist saying so.  Chile has a very high number of domestic abuse cases.

5)      Chilenos At Play

Chileans usually live at home until they marry, and flatmates are extremely uncommon.  Therefore, one night stands usually take place in one of the many “sex motels”.   Porn is not as common as it is the West, and for many Chileans sex means something. The friendship circle is very important and usually involves the same friends from a very young age.  Although men and women do socialise together, close friendships are usually formed between the same sex.  To be honest, many Chilean men I have met have been very gossipy and can sit and just talk for hours and hours.  Literally – hours – and many nights of the week.  Friends are as important as family and the girlfriend should never try and intervene with this bond.

My own personal experience has not been tainted by machisimo … much.  Perhaps this is because my partner has lived abroad.  However, it certainly is there, hiding under the surface.  Can we say Machisimo is specific to Latin America?  No.  Can we say that Chile has a way to come in the areas of equality?  Perhaps.  As the only OEDC in South America, and with solid infrastructures across the board, changes are happening quickly here and the future seems bright.